John Irving

I recently attended 'An Evening with John Irving' at the Aero Theater in Santa Monica. His new book is out and the subject largely focuses on bisexuality. I can't stop thinking about bisexuality. Or sexuality in general. For such a long time I've regarded the subject as a fringe sexual preference. Something I didn't know anything about and something I didn't feel comfortable commenting on in certain groups or any groups at all. Then an event happened and suddenly bisexuality and the reality of the thing was in my life. I struggled, blamed myself, thought briefly that I should probably call it quits on my whole life and give up. How selfish was I to think it had anything to do with me. I think this country largely fears any kind of sexual difference as having something to do with them. It doesn't. America, you can calm down. What goes on in other people's bedrooms or marriages have nothing to do with you. All this reality television isn't helping matters either. The public feels entitled to know everything about everyone else. I often wonder if we stopped worrying about what Jessica Simpson was doing with her little newborn, what kind of work we might be able to finish. I know I'm not the only person to write about this and certainly someone famous, better educated and better looking has said these things on television. I'm saying them for myself just as I am saying them for you. Anyway, Irving put into context some long lingering frustrations I had felt about my place in the world as a female. I am expected to love and nurture and support and all that. Except, sometimes, I don't want to do any of that. All I want to do is sit in my kitchen, drink coffee/sometimes beer, write and smoke cigarettes. Its hard to admit to a date that I drink let alone smoke and also I would rather not spend very much time with him. Would it be harder to say that I was nurturing, supportive, baking, baby-making but bisexual. Somehow I think both would be a revelation that the American male wouldn't be receptive to. Unless of course he was a hipster and then he would say he was OK with all that but I doubt it lasts very long. Although, I am not myself bisexual, I think I somewhat somehow maybe 'get it'. Or I don't.

Here are the things I love lately:

Blackbird Blackbird - So Sorry Girl

Sophia Tolstoy - She would copy his manuscripts by hand.

She sighed, folded her hands and began to whistle.

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