Finally...

For the past two days I have been in my room or for a brief hour at the doctor's office. I have only been sick a couple of times this year but each one has been dreadful. My sickness came the day after I had a performance review at work. Not great timing at all. This performance review went well as I am a good worker but it continued in me my struggle with myself and my next step and who I really am and so forth. I remember immediately before my review I was contemplating leaving California and going back home to rest as my feelings about my existence have really exhausted me. This question is still to be resolved and I have a feeling I won't really know until I go home for the week and see how my feelings toward home have improved or changed.
This morning I was finally able to move and at about noon I bathed and dressed myself and headed to Highland Park for a quick breakfast and then a stroll to the library. What was to be breakfast turned out to be lunch, club sandwich and a coke. Not very healthy at all but I haven't been eating well if at all for the past couple of days so I figured I would be ok. Anyway, I walked around Highland Park for a while and eventually chose a seat by the baseball diamonds to continue reading and watching people. For a few minutes I finally felt at peace. Every so often I have these peaceful feelings when I am totally alone and away from my room. I think I learned something today and I know I have a lot of hard works and decisions ahead of me but I think its going to be worth it in the end. I can only come out of this fog a much stronger person and a better version of myself.

Reading List:
Nietzsche - Thus Spoke Zarathustra
Brenda Ueland - If You Want to Write
J.D. Salinger - The Catcher in the Rye
Nietzsche - Beyond Good and Evil
Mark Twain - The Prince and the Pauper
Hermann Hesse - Siddhartha
Ernest Hemingway - Islands in the Stream
Leo Tolstoy - Short Works

Listening to Mozart because its been a while.